Restaurant Reviews – Fish House

Fish House (Bruce’s Yelp Review)

Category: Seafood

2/5 stars
This review continues my week of reviews of places in Port A while I am stuck in town doing beach house maintenance. If you’ve read any of my other reviews, you know about the beach rules which grade on the curve.What’s in a location? Well, pretty much everything. In a tourist town like Port A, there are not enough places to eat, so you’re guaranteed your slice of the pie. Throw in a downtown location mere steps from the gulf, and you should be able to coast to relative success.

What’s in a name? The fish house. It could symbolize a simple and powerful name, that says “We are fish, and that’s all you need to know. We don’t need to charm you with clever word play or kitschy metaphors. We stand by this strong, simple, direct name.”

Or it could be a lack of imagination.

Yep. I’ll take Restaurant Cliches for $1000, Alex.

You want cliches? I asked the waitress how the fish would be prepared. She said grilled.

…waiting for elaboration…

…a little panic in my eyes that this might get awkward…

…yep, it’s awkward.

Just grilled. I should have taken that as a clue. Later, she came back and said “It’s not wahoo (or whatever). It’s trout. Very fresh.” I can see why the name of the place is not so highly specialized. Fish house covers your bases. But she came back with a caesar. Fresh, but not really a caesar, with long red onion slices on top. But it was fresh and I’ve had worse.

And then the fish came. and it was…

grilled. Just grilled. Not seasoned. Not embellished in any way. Just grilled. I guess they let the sides do the talking. That would be the potatoes. Beige foods unite!

Yep. Definitely a lack of imagination. The fish was not overcooked, like you’ll usually find in Port A. But that’s the extent of the nice things I can say about the Fish House.

We’re grading on a curve here because of beach rules. A star and a half.. we’ll round up. Beach rules, you know.


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